Ohio Judge’s Poetic Response to an Inmates Pants Pooping Lawsuit

I have always gotten a kick out of judges who have a unique way or distributing justice. I like the ones who get creative and really get their point across. I am guessing Ohio's Franklin County Judge David Cain is one of those judges I am talking about due to the poetic response he had to an inmates lawsuit.

Inmate Darek Lathan claims he was waiting in a line and asked to use the bathroom. When he was refused bathroom privileges, he claims he soiled his pants and was made fun of by the other inmates. The judge dismissed the case with a little poem that read...

"Cold showers caused his bowels to malfunction
Or so the plaintiff claims
A strict uncaring prison guard
Is whom the plaintiff blames.
While in line for recreation
And little time for hesitation
His anal sphincter just exploded
The plaintiff’s britches quickly loaded.
It made the inmates laugh and play
To see the plaintiff’s pants this way
The foul, unsightly, putrid mess
Caused the plaintiff major stress.
Claiming loss and shame to boot
The plaintiff filed the present suit
But the law provideth no relief
From such unmitigated grief.
Neither runs nor constipation
Can justify this litigation
Whether bowels constrict or flex
De minimus non curat lex."