We’ve Got A Real-Life Ocean’s 8 Sitch In Aspen

I’m sure by now we’ve all seen our new favorite thieving squad in the movie Ocean’s 8, where a posse of fabulously-dressed women make off with millions of dollars’ worth of jewelry and a bit of revenge in their spare time. But we don't have to look to Hollywood for jewelry theft, only Aspen, Colorado. While Aspen’s heist may not have exactly reached the million-dollar-mark, nor the complexity and glamour of Debbie’s Ocean’s scheme, a trio of men did manage to make off with $800,000 of jewelry from a display case in The Little Nell hotel on Friday. Which, in-and-of-itself, is pretty impressive, considering that that amount could pay my rent for… a long time. A really long time. Not that I’m interested in thieving for rent, it’s just an objective fact.

Supposedly, the men had to use every ounce of their wits and a stunning array of cutting-edge technology to make the bust, which amounted to one of the men popping open the case with a screwdriver, scooping a necklace, at least one ring and a pair of earrings into a backpack, and then making a beeline for the exit. Very smooth. Though they did make their exit in style according to the Aspen Daily News, as they ran to a vehicle that was later identified as a rental limousine. I guess if you were counting on coming into some money soon, you may as well splurge on the getaway car.

As for the jewelry itself, it belongs to Piranesi, a New York City-based business that has an outlet in Aspen. The display case has lived in the hotel’s lobby for over 20 years, marketing high-end jewelry to tourists from all walks of life. May Selby, a spokeswoman for the Nell, said “we can confirm three males were the perpetrators and they were not hotel guests. The Aspen police response was swift,” but she could not comment on any further details, as the investigation is still active.

But apparently this is not the first time Aspen has had a run-in with jewelry heists.  Both in 2016 and 2017, separate jewelry outlets were hit with expensive losses. In 2017, five people stole nearly $100,000 from a local jewelry store, while almost $20,000 was taken from a Louis Vuitton outlet in 2016.

Maybe Aspen ought to invest in some better security measures. A laser grid, for instance. Or maybe a pit of fedora-sporting alligators, that'll repel anyone.