Hello, and welcome to September, also known as the official countdown-to-Halloween month. The only downside to this holiday fever is that time doesn’t bend to our will to get us to October 31 as quickly as possible, so we’re forced to make do with Tim Burton movies for 91.33% of the year. But, don’t worry. Even if all of us spook-addicts have to live in a Halloween-less world for eleven months, there’s one place where the eerie never ends: Distortions Unlimited.

Who knew, right? Down in Greeley at 517 13th St., you can find NoCo’s very own Halloweentown, run by Ed and Marsha Edmunds. Ed first started Distortions Unlimited while still in high school, but he continued developing the business all throughout college. Then, once he met Marsha shortly after graduation, they became a team and now run the company together. It’s a true love story for the ages, I hope that all couples get to have the joy of sculpting zombie faces together. At the very least, it’s a love story that’s paid off very nicely for all Halloween fanatics, as Ed and Marsha have now been making monsters for over 35 years.


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From their warehouse in Greeley, Ed, Marsha and their squad of sculptors, mechanics, and designers have got you covered on anything and everything you could want for the spooky season. From masks and costumes to blowups and animatronic creations, they could stock a haunted castle, let alone a haunted house. Need a mask that makes you look like a demon straight from Buffy the Vampire Slayer? Check. Need an alien to stand by the door to keep away… I don’t know, other aliens, I guess? Check. Need a horrifying electric-chair robot to keep in your living room to make you cry when you go down for a glass of water at night? Also check.

But Distortions Unlimited will do more than give you stock body parts to scatter across your lawn. They’ll also work on custom designs for you if you can give them an idea of what you’re looking for, or do individualized paint or sound jobs on products they’ve already made. They’ve made special Day of the Dead decorations, a black-light dinosaur, and a ‘Frankenalice’ puppet for one of Alice Cooper’s shows.  


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If you’re as interested in the technical aspects of design as much as the scares, Distortions even produced a series of videos on how they’ve made some of their larger projects, and done some DIY tutorials for costumes and masks. I’m not going to lie; I probably spent a little bit too long watching Ed make a creepy mask from scratch. It’s starting to haunt my dreams and I think I need to go watch some Disney movies to reset myself.

So, Happy Halloween, everyone! Because let’s be real – Halloween’s not just a holiday. It’s a state of mind, and Distortions Unlimited has got it down pat.